If you’re bored with something,

blow it up.

A Middle Manager’s Advice to His Son

When you grow up and work in a busy office, as I do now, always be sure to use the bathroom early, when the cleaning crew has just been there. People do disgusting things during the day. When you see the blue fluid still in the bowl, you know you will be clean and pure. Remember this, my son.

The Cynic's Notebook

Virtue is the means by which

you bear that foolish, ill-spirited bumblers keep moving ahead. It saves you from noticing your own flaws.

Frontiers of Knowledge

Obscene Gesture Benefits Economy

Researchers have discovered that “the global hegemony of American culture and its gestural memes” has made a certain hand signal a no-no everywhere in the world. However, the researchers also calculate that this gesture commonly called “the finger” added more than $200 billion to the world economy.

Correctives

The Great Recession Is a Great Reason to Celebrate

Misunderstanding is the cause of so much pain. We at The Stoneslide Corrective would like to correct one misunderstanding that has become rampant in recent years. We would like to lift this veil of pain. We are nothing if not empathetic. Since 2007, the unemployment rate has gone from under 5% to 9%. That represents […]

A Life Examined

My mind knows more tricks

than I do. Sneaky bastard is always getting me in trouble.

A Life Examined

How many times have I done the right thing

because the line for the wrong thing was too long? The long waiting times for vice and pleasure might be the only things saving the world.

Correctives

Two Questions

With the Passover and Easter holidays imminent, The Stoneslide Corrective moves through the world with eyes seeking spiritual wonder. It makes us ask questions, like the following: Why does the church down the street still have a nativity scene out front? Since someone stole the baby Jesus, and there’s just a rumpled blanket in the middle of the scene, what are the angels worshipping?

A Life Examined

Special Occasions

ME: For my birthday this year, will you laugh at one of my jokes? WIFE: [Laughing.] Does that count?

Correctives

Get Slowpoke Police Off Highways

The most dangerous factor in highway driving is relative velocity. It’s not speed that kills. It’s the difference in speed between you and the object you hit or that hits you. Say you bump your fender against a car traveling at nearly the same speed in the same direction … you won’t be hurt at […]

Correctives

Government Support for a New Small Firearms Industry

We at The Stoneslide Corrective propose a government initiative to promote the design, manufacture, and distribution of firearms made for toddlers. This may sound surprising to those who don’t think deeply about public policy. We think deeply. The ultimate goal of government is to minimize suffering. Let us explain how this program will accomplish that. […]