I will hold out. I will stand my ground. No matter the forces arrayed against me…. It’s will and courage. That’s what it takes. I have will. I have courage. I am a man. I will stay at my desk. No matter the urgency, no matter the pain, I will not retreat to the urinal. […]

If you don’t have a problem with dizziness, you can spin around in your chair. I get dizzy, though.

When the CEO calls an all-staff meeting, the most important thing to remember is to get a seat on the aisle. Otherwise, you’ll find yourself trapped in the midst of all those people, all those bodies, all those intestines slowly digesting sausage, egg, and biscuit breakfasts. Before you know it, you’re being buffeted in a […]

There’s great power in apology, if you know how to do it right, and I am a master apologizer. The trick is to make the other person feel so powerful, so vindicated, so right in every way that they no longer care about whatever you did. Say your boss is mad because you lost a […]

What do you mean, “error”? What error? I need this printout for the meeting. No, don’t freeze up. Not now. Come on, print, damn it. Print! The executive vice president is going to be there. Not now. It can’t be. How can this happen to me? Oh, it needs paper.

What the hell is happening up there? We haven’t moved in, like, five minutes. There, the light just turned again. Damn it! Damn it all to hell I’m late already! AAhhhhhhh! Aaahhhhhhh! Aahhhhhh! Ouch. That steering wheel is harder than it looks.

I saw Mr. Harris, the CEO, get out of his car this morning. A Mercedes.

When you grow up and work in a busy office, as I do now, always be sure to use the bathroom early, when the cleaning crew has just been there. People do disgusting things during the day. When you see the blue fluid still in the bowl, you know you will be clean and pure. Remember this, my son.