The Act of Contrition is the Church’s first official translation of a prayer into the language of social media. With the newly rewritten prayer, the Church has also agreed that Catholics may now text their confessions into their parish priests.
Read More...Some Favorite Fried Egg Sandwiches
-over three-quarters fried egg -prepared horseradish -two-year-old cheddar cheese -salt and pepper -bread -grated top panel of Hewlett-Packard 200A Audio Oscillator, stolen from the Computer History Museum, 1401 N. Shoreline Blvd., Mountain View, California -over three-quarters fried egg -Havarti cheese -salt and pepper -frozen butter, shaved -bread -shredded Bill of Rights, with 1st, […]
Read More...Nearly Half of Conversations Now Involve Facebook; Researchers See Further Rise Ahead
A new study out of Upland Downs University has found that nearly half of conversations in the real world start with some variant of, “You know what I just saw on Facebook?” The study used observers placed in coffee shops, train stations, and public parks to record thousands of unprompted exchanges between friends, family members, and complete strangers, and found that 47.2 percent of conversations that could be observed depended on material posted in a speaker’s Facebook feed. This rate was up from 26% two years ago and just 16% in 2010.
Read More...Guest Rejections from Author Will Mayer
The Rejection Generator is a labor of love for Sylvester Stonesman. He spends more time with the machinery than with his wife or his children or his aging parents. Because the Generator is in the basement of Stoneslide headquarters, those people often come here seeking him, but we don’t answer the door, and they go […]
Read More...Back-to-School Gift Assist: Get What’s Yours
Made of basalt and an industrial-grade steel alloy, its spring-loaded, fist-shaped ball is suitable for injuring parents, relatives, or anyone else who tries to make it seem like you have nothing to do with your very own triumphs.
Read More...Back-to-School Gift Assist: Prevent Fatherly Tomfoolery
Keep unsavory parental friends out of your home with the inflatable Fatherly Tomfoolery Fort®.
Read More...Back-to-School Gift Assist—See It before They Do: The Loser-Diluter Handyscan
You’re the kid who’s been bullied since second grade. It’s obvious why, right? You’re skinny, tall, and uncoordinated. You play wizard games, or worse, “house,” at school. You painted your fingernails that one time in fourth grade. You wear cotton sweatpants. Your parents are Wiccans. You still carry a lunchbox. But it’s back to […]
Read More...By All Means, Carry On
We at The Stoneslide Corrective recently came across this item on the wires and thought our readers would want to know about it: FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Coming back from your latest open-carry demonstration, are you ever hit with that sinking feeling? You know, the feeling that you just haven’t done enough? Sure, you walked through […]
Read More...Mayor of Great American City Apologizes Preemptively for Her Upcoming Dumb Idea
You may have heard of Oakland, California, and if you have it’s likely because of the notorious three-time Super Bowl Champion Oakland Raiders or the nine-time World Series Champion Oakland Athletics. But there’s so much more to Oakland than those two standouts. The New York Times named Oakland number five in its “45 Places […]
Read More...University Purchases City for Economics Experiments
People have long said Wye Sprite University’s great weakness is its location. The university is highly ranked across all its academic programs, especially in science and medicine, but the city of Duncastle that surrounds it has been economically depressed—with low graduation and high crime rates—since the meat packing and rivet industries moved out in the […]
Read More...The Devil Reads the Hobby Lobby Decision and Has Some Questions for Justice Samuel Alito
This brings the world’s millions of corporations squarely into my sphere of influence, and now I have to figure out what to do with them. Do you realize that there are more corporations today than there were souls on the planet a few centuries ago? Yes, I’ve grown my staff in the meantime, but I can’t tell you how much trouble this is going to cause.
Read More...If you ever want a primer on how to waste a life
just ask me.
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