A new law requiring breast-feeding in certain situations is being praised by advocates for maternal and infant health, but it also has its critics among libertarians and others. The law, passed by the Paterboro Town Council last July, recognizes in its preamble the scientific studies of the last few decades that have found that breast-feeding […]

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The Seahawks dispute the suit’s claims, and have launched a countersuit. A representative for the team did not hold back when criticizing Reddy’s action. “This joker messed with the wrong sports organization,” says Deputy Assistant Vice Director of Community Communications Byron Kerdul. “What does he think we are, a baseball team? We’re football. Football kicks ass and football takes names. This allegedly deafened pudwhacker is going down.”

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It’s said occasionally that in Vegas you can bet on anything. It might be true. A bookmaker in Las Vegas has released a money line on whether or not the mayor of Chicago, Rahm Emanuel, will declare martial law before the 2015 election. Winkel’s Wagers, the sports book taking the bets, says the money line […]

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In case you (foolhardily) don’t follow us on Twitter or like us on Facebook, see what we uncovered yesterday, an innovative navigational aid for use on and around the George Washington Bridge. Google Maps has deployed a new symbol that warns travelers of extreme traffic conditions. By the way, if you aren’t with us on […]

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Hire someone to hang out with you 24 hours a day and at random intervals throw a variety of viscous fluids onto you. These assaults should take you by surprise, and then require considerable time to clean up, often leaving permanent stains on your favorite clothes and any nearby furniture. Some of this goop should periodically […]

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Prepare for parenthood by hiring a man to follow you around and at unpredictable times punch you in the balls. When your children grow old enough to jump on your lap, leading with their ball peen knees, of course, you’ll be used to the sensation. Sadly, there is no way to prepare for the emotional […]

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A rumor swirling through the Windy City’s streets suggests that Mayor Rahm Emanuel may be a habitual shoplifter. Whatever the truth behind this cold and biting insinuation, the mayor’s many subjects, err, fellow citizens, find it easy to believe.

One form of the rumor suggests that a reporter at the The Chicago Intelligencerester newspaper and website discovered a cover-up by which Chicago Police brass were regularly deleting call items pertaining to the mayor’s alleged activities. The reporter spoke to street vendors, proprietors of mom and pop shops, and department store clerks, all of whom had filed official reports alleging they’d witnessed the mayor’s sticky fingers in action. But all of the complaints seemed to disappear. According to the rumor, the reporter, Dinklun T. St. James, was offered a lucrative screenwriting contract by the mayor’s brother Ari Emanuel to hush up the explosive story.

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Our Gift Assists are carefully designed and curated to provide you with the certainty that you will be giving the recipients something that they will truly cherish and value–unlike the tons of scented candles, glossy food books, and mysteriously unctuous lotions that cycle quickly from under the tree to the back of a closet and […]

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